Hatred swirls like a broken bike
Spinning round the beating heart
As it screams in anguish
Turning black and green
In the florescent buzzing light
Sleep feels the head like an old friend
Clothes hold tight in an un-feeling hug
Surrounded by friends but
Loneliness sits in the corner and rocks
Shrieking your bastard name The night used to be a friend
But now he jeers and hurts
Tears fall like a waterfall non-stop
Dripping like a faulty tap
The broken clock ticks out of time A hand grabs at the very core
Squeezing it under its crushing grip
Stretching and pulling
Ripping it from its holds to throw
It into the blazing light of the world “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!”
The silent sounds echo through the night
Hope hides under the bed
It was entirely his fault.
Reminiscing about things you said Is it too much to ask for love?
Is it too much not to be hurt?
Making a silent promise in the night
To never speak another word
And so this is goodbye.
____
Angsty depressed mood needed angsty depressed poem. One of my favorites i've written.
Alice~
Thursday, 31 March 2011
On Melancholy Hilll
What can i say about today? I guess today was rather average, but i guess as no one reads this i'll just put whatever i want. My morning was fairly normal, got up on time, gote ready, forgot breakfast, blah blah blah, noticed my roots were showing in the mirror this morning.. Will have to get my mother to re-dye my hair, i much prefer being a red-head to a brunette. Yes i dye my hair ginger is practically what i've just said. I think it's hilarious when people try to take the piss out of me for my hair colour, just looking at them and going "I dye my hair this colour" and just watch their little minds blow. Fecking hilarious. I feel i'm the anti-gingers worst nightmare, someone who actually CHOSE to be like that. My brother finds this very distressing, trying to take the piss and me just not caring, tis all good. Hair dye annoys me now though, I wish my hair would just STAY that colour and not grow out every few weeks, it's annoying having to re- dye it every five minutes..
I've just talked about hair dye for a whole paragraph.. and wonder why no one reads this.
School was pretty average and boring, except maybe working out what my group is doing for our assembly, we're all going for head girl/boy and our task is to make an assembly on inspiration, because our head of year seems to have turned it into the apprentice. It's going well, i'm actually pretty psyched about it. when i wrote my piece everyone seeemed really impressed with it, which made me happy because sometimes i don't get on with some of the people in my group and so it was nice to have some nice feedback from them for a change, i guess that's kindas sad isn't it? Needing other people's compliments to feel wanted, bu there you go.
Watching Scott Pilgrim vs the worls, probably the coolest film i'v ever seen, i actually love it so much, the way it's all filmed and set out like a video game? Freaking amazing. i'm actually like, mesmerised. I can't even like concentrate on this properly. I feel like i'm on drugs or something. Fuck. It's so good. I love it i love it i love it.
That's the thing about me, when i watch, read or listen to stuff, it's like it changes me inside, like it's playing with my brain and my heart, all my emotions mixed up inside me like i'm losing myself inside it, it changes how i'm feeling, how act, for example right now watching this i feel angsty, yet everything is so fast paced i'm styping like a loon. But i love this about myself, I love being in a mood like this though it's awesome, being inside my own little world. I guess it's why i day dream so much, all these magical things going on in my head. Everything i see or listen to seems to change something inside me, add something to that mystical world in my mind. Oops I let the crazy girl out. Ah well, more interesting than hair dye right? Movies are the best, they make you feel so much all at once, make you feel every emotion in the whole world, make you laugh, cry, scream. They can take you into the depth of your psyche and let you get lost in there, show you what you're really feeling on the inside, especially when the tears come out and you realise you're still crying, but it's not the film anymore, you realise why you're really upset, because you're body tells you what's really going on in there. This isn't that kind of film there, this makes me feel angsty and aggressive, kind of like the way playing Dead or Alive 4 does especially when i can't get passed the level and complete the story with the asian guy who to me looks like an old action man figure my brother used to have, you could wind up his arms and then he'd swing them round. I thought it was pretty cool. But thats straying from the point. What was my point? Being angsty and aggresive, right. They have such amazing outfits in this film, i want to dress up really wacky right now.. and maybe dye my hair blue (oops, hair dye reference) I want to get in a bad and scream down the microphone. Also I want to cry. I have no idea why, probably just tired. I love when I'm in a mood like this, i feel like i'm playing my keyboard like - well a keyboard i guess. I guess to anyone who ever reads this it'll all just not make any sense, i just re-read that sentance and even that didn't make any sense to me. Hell I don't care anymore. I'm feeling ANGSTY. FUCK IT. No one gives a shit about this blog, no one gives a crap about my life, it's useless, hopeless shite. But i'm going to write it everyday anyway. Yay.
Suddenly I'm depressed. You know what? My life sucks. It's pretty awful to read in a blog, in Facebook posts or even to listen to me tell it. I feel i have less and less and less. My friends.. I'm losing my friends, i pretty much only have one left, i find it harder and harder to socialise, i find it harder and harder to smile. and it stresses me out that all i need to make it all better, is someone to love.
I'm going to go to bed and cry now.
Alice~
I've just talked about hair dye for a whole paragraph.. and wonder why no one reads this.
School was pretty average and boring, except maybe working out what my group is doing for our assembly, we're all going for head girl/boy and our task is to make an assembly on inspiration, because our head of year seems to have turned it into the apprentice. It's going well, i'm actually pretty psyched about it. when i wrote my piece everyone seeemed really impressed with it, which made me happy because sometimes i don't get on with some of the people in my group and so it was nice to have some nice feedback from them for a change, i guess that's kindas sad isn't it? Needing other people's compliments to feel wanted, bu there you go.
Watching Scott Pilgrim vs the worls, probably the coolest film i'v ever seen, i actually love it so much, the way it's all filmed and set out like a video game? Freaking amazing. i'm actually like, mesmerised. I can't even like concentrate on this properly. I feel like i'm on drugs or something. Fuck. It's so good. I love it i love it i love it.
That's the thing about me, when i watch, read or listen to stuff, it's like it changes me inside, like it's playing with my brain and my heart, all my emotions mixed up inside me like i'm losing myself inside it, it changes how i'm feeling, how act, for example right now watching this i feel angsty, yet everything is so fast paced i'm styping like a loon. But i love this about myself, I love being in a mood like this though it's awesome, being inside my own little world. I guess it's why i day dream so much, all these magical things going on in my head. Everything i see or listen to seems to change something inside me, add something to that mystical world in my mind. Oops I let the crazy girl out. Ah well, more interesting than hair dye right? Movies are the best, they make you feel so much all at once, make you feel every emotion in the whole world, make you laugh, cry, scream. They can take you into the depth of your psyche and let you get lost in there, show you what you're really feeling on the inside, especially when the tears come out and you realise you're still crying, but it's not the film anymore, you realise why you're really upset, because you're body tells you what's really going on in there. This isn't that kind of film there, this makes me feel angsty and aggressive, kind of like the way playing Dead or Alive 4 does especially when i can't get passed the level and complete the story with the asian guy who to me looks like an old action man figure my brother used to have, you could wind up his arms and then he'd swing them round. I thought it was pretty cool. But thats straying from the point. What was my point? Being angsty and aggresive, right. They have such amazing outfits in this film, i want to dress up really wacky right now.. and maybe dye my hair blue (oops, hair dye reference) I want to get in a bad and scream down the microphone. Also I want to cry. I have no idea why, probably just tired. I love when I'm in a mood like this, i feel like i'm playing my keyboard like - well a keyboard i guess. I guess to anyone who ever reads this it'll all just not make any sense, i just re-read that sentance and even that didn't make any sense to me. Hell I don't care anymore. I'm feeling ANGSTY. FUCK IT. No one gives a shit about this blog, no one gives a crap about my life, it's useless, hopeless shite. But i'm going to write it everyday anyway. Yay.
Suddenly I'm depressed. You know what? My life sucks. It's pretty awful to read in a blog, in Facebook posts or even to listen to me tell it. I feel i have less and less and less. My friends.. I'm losing my friends, i pretty much only have one left, i find it harder and harder to socialise, i find it harder and harder to smile. and it stresses me out that all i need to make it all better, is someone to love.
I'm going to go to bed and cry now.
Alice~
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
Memories
It began when the eyes met
Blue and brown, linked magnetically
As if something had clicked
Someone turned on the light
It stopped in the air
The red clocks melting
Mixing together to create
Like they were made
The rosy cheeks engulfing
Awkwardness jerking the body
Into a robotic dance
Becoming, the, new
A mushy mess in charge
Stumbling into them
The tongue twirling, kaput
Words falling everywhere
A little brown haired puppy
Weaving around his feet
Just watching, wanting
Finding any excuse
The sun glowing down
The sky a brilliant blue
Smiling on the garden
Like a huge hug, holding tight
Everybody seemed to disappear
Velvet shadows of the minds eye
Just two souls in twilight
Knotted in destiny
With thoughts and feelings mixed
They parted from each others sides
And stared, lost in the journey
While all others jeered
Convincing herself she was wrong
Pretending there wasn
A child, too young, not wanted
Tears fell, sleep deprived
There must have been
Must have been, something
Drawing them both
Not to forget
He tracked her down
Her heart exploded
Worries and fears and nightmares
Lost in the purple flame.
Every night and everyday and
Every night and everyday and
Every night and everyday ’t a glintElectronic whispers
Turbulent hypothesis
Like binding ropes, shackles
The want trying to outweigh it
Perhaps he was scared
Hope seemed to drain quick
As time passed and passed
A big balloon deflating
He would never ask.
Meanwhile another chased
Behind, trying desperately
To hold on, but his
Time, was gone
His time was lost
The American oneWhose heart was caught in her snare
And travelled just to see her
They met anyway
Showering in jewellery, clothes
Chocolates and flowers
But the heart was another
From then the knights competed
Their lances poised for battle
As the princess laid her hands on her palm
And watched in a daydream
Eventually after a month had gone
The fist and best suitor won
Standing proudly on that night
Only closely winning
Then that dreaded cloud came over
Secrets trying their best to escape
From the finger on the lips
Squeezing their way out
Quiet evenings spent Just listening
The dream just beginning
On the downward spiral
Of fairytale road.’s
Many more where that came from
Alice~
Blue and brown, linked magnetically
As if something had clicked
Someone turned on the light
It stopped in the air
The red clocks melting
Mixing together to create
Like they were made
The rosy cheeks engulfing
Awkwardness jerking the body
Into a robotic dance
Becoming, the, new
A mushy mess in charge
Stumbling into them
The tongue twirling, kaput
Words falling everywhere
A little brown haired puppy
Weaving around his feet
Just watching, wanting
Finding any excuse
The sun glowing down
The sky a brilliant blue
Smiling on the garden
Like a huge hug, holding tight
Everybody seemed to disappear
Velvet shadows of the minds eye
Just two souls in twilight
Knotted in destiny
With thoughts and feelings mixed
They parted from each others sides
And stared, lost in the journey
While all others jeered
Convincing herself she was wrong
Pretending there wasn
A child, too young, not wanted
Tears fell, sleep deprived
There must have been
Must have been, something
Drawing them both
Not to forget
He tracked her down
Her heart exploded
Worries and fears and nightmares
Lost in the purple flame.
Every night and everyday and
Every night and everyday and
Every night and everyday ’t a glintElectronic whispers
Turbulent hypothesis
Like binding ropes, shackles
The want trying to outweigh it
Perhaps he was scared
Hope seemed to drain quick
As time passed and passed
A big balloon deflating
He would never ask.
Meanwhile another chased
Behind, trying desperately
To hold on, but his
Time, was gone
His time was lost
The American oneWhose heart was caught in her snare
And travelled just to see her
They met anyway
Showering in jewellery, clothes
Chocolates and flowers
But the heart was another
From then the knights competed
Their lances poised for battle
As the princess laid her hands on her palm
And watched in a daydream
Eventually after a month had gone
The fist and best suitor won
Standing proudly on that night
Only closely winning
Then that dreaded cloud came over
Secrets trying their best to escape
From the finger on the lips
Squeezing their way out
Quiet evenings spent Just listening
The dream just beginning
On the downward spiral
Of fairytale road.’s
Many more where that came from
Alice~
Who's Laughing Now?
So today was pretty up and down, i was feeling awful this morning, as i did yesterday, i've had a nasty cold which has played up my asthma and just made me feel terrible, the result of which made me sleep through my alarm clock this morning in pure exhaustion, hence i was late for school. Always a good start to the day i must admit.. So after rushing around like a headless chicken i got myself to school. First thing i have to do when i get there? A timed essay. Great. I kept zoning out while i was writing, daydreaming about all kinds of things, so it's probably awful. That'll please the teacher.. I spent the entire day sneezing and couging my lungs out, especially when we had PE last, in which not only did i have to stand on the side lines in the pouring rain watching the others play netball, coughing and spluttering myself to death in a T-shirt, but also i had managed to bring two completely different converses to wear on each foot, one sparkly blue with sequins, the other navy with ACDC laces, one a size 7 and one a 6. Nice one. This evening has rather brightened up my day however, talking to a friend about how much we want to go Uni, but also because i found out a girl who made my life miserable since i was like 5 is pregnant. I thought this was hilarious. Karma at its finest. I know that probably sounds proper bitchy, but she made my life hell and for years i thought 'its fine, one day she'll do something stupid and then we'll see whos laughing', she's only 17. Bloody hilarious, she seems pretty happy about it though so hey.
Am developing an obsession with Katie Piper, the other day i watched her first 'Katie: My beautiful friends' and i was so touched, yet facinated by it, so i then watched her original documentary and will be watching 'my beautiful friends' religiously now. I think it's amazing what these people have been through, and katie herself looks absolutely stunning, it actually makes me jealous how beautiful she is, she looks amazing. Guess it just shows what you can do with a bit of confidence hey? Too bad i don't have any.. Maybe one day.. But yeah, i've been stalking her website all day, i don't think they've done a very good job of it to be honest, but hey. Thought Simon Cowell was an odd choice for a sponser, but there we go. Some of the people annoy me on that programme though, the parents for example who say "it wasn't my child anymore", and I'm just sat there thinking 'yes it is!! Just because they're burnt or disfigured doesn't mean they've changed on the inside or are not your son/daughter anymore!! If they broke out with acne or something, would you go "oh they weren't my child anymore" bloody rediculous people, just accept them for what they are!!!' Some of the actual burns victim's negativity annoys me too, but then i've always maintained the mentality that it doesnt matter what you look like, also i've got a lot of pride in my scars, especially the one on my chest, it runs from the bottom of my neck to the top of my stomach, ending in a little cross, with a few other scars dotted around. When i was in primary school people used to take the mick out of it, saying i had a worm on my chest (it was bright pink at the time) and i was very self-concious about it. But now i love my scar, i got it from having two heart operations, which saved my life and is a constant reminder to me to live life, because you never know how short it'll be. It kinda makes me who i am, something completely individual to me.
Also obsessed with Jessie J at the moment, i bought her album 'who you are', its so good, every song is completely different, a whole new theme, and style of music, its amazing, i especially love her songs 'who's laughing now' and 'big white room', for completely different reasons, who's laughing now just reflects my childhood, but also gives me hope for the future, that one day i'll be able to turn around to all those bullies from my life and say "who's laughing now??" Like today i guess..
I also like big white room, it's so relaxing but has so much meaning in it, it's amazing.
Look like a wreck at the moment, my hairs a mess from the rain, wearing an oversized jumper and skinnies, tbh i look like a man. At least not as much as i used to.. God that awkward moment when you go through old photos of yourself and think 'what the HELL am i wearing??? i actually thought i looked GOOD?' ACDC T-shirt, baggy jeans, leather jacket, black converses with ACDC laces. I could not have looked more like a man. Even when i cosplayed as one.. Okay i've done that twice but still.
I can't think of much else to say today..
lots of love
Alice~
Am developing an obsession with Katie Piper, the other day i watched her first 'Katie: My beautiful friends' and i was so touched, yet facinated by it, so i then watched her original documentary and will be watching 'my beautiful friends' religiously now. I think it's amazing what these people have been through, and katie herself looks absolutely stunning, it actually makes me jealous how beautiful she is, she looks amazing. Guess it just shows what you can do with a bit of confidence hey? Too bad i don't have any.. Maybe one day.. But yeah, i've been stalking her website all day, i don't think they've done a very good job of it to be honest, but hey. Thought Simon Cowell was an odd choice for a sponser, but there we go. Some of the people annoy me on that programme though, the parents for example who say "it wasn't my child anymore", and I'm just sat there thinking 'yes it is!! Just because they're burnt or disfigured doesn't mean they've changed on the inside or are not your son/daughter anymore!! If they broke out with acne or something, would you go "oh they weren't my child anymore" bloody rediculous people, just accept them for what they are!!!' Some of the actual burns victim's negativity annoys me too, but then i've always maintained the mentality that it doesnt matter what you look like, also i've got a lot of pride in my scars, especially the one on my chest, it runs from the bottom of my neck to the top of my stomach, ending in a little cross, with a few other scars dotted around. When i was in primary school people used to take the mick out of it, saying i had a worm on my chest (it was bright pink at the time) and i was very self-concious about it. But now i love my scar, i got it from having two heart operations, which saved my life and is a constant reminder to me to live life, because you never know how short it'll be. It kinda makes me who i am, something completely individual to me.
Also obsessed with Jessie J at the moment, i bought her album 'who you are', its so good, every song is completely different, a whole new theme, and style of music, its amazing, i especially love her songs 'who's laughing now' and 'big white room', for completely different reasons, who's laughing now just reflects my childhood, but also gives me hope for the future, that one day i'll be able to turn around to all those bullies from my life and say "who's laughing now??" Like today i guess..
I also like big white room, it's so relaxing but has so much meaning in it, it's amazing.
Look like a wreck at the moment, my hairs a mess from the rain, wearing an oversized jumper and skinnies, tbh i look like a man. At least not as much as i used to.. God that awkward moment when you go through old photos of yourself and think 'what the HELL am i wearing??? i actually thought i looked GOOD?' ACDC T-shirt, baggy jeans, leather jacket, black converses with ACDC laces. I could not have looked more like a man. Even when i cosplayed as one.. Okay i've done that twice but still.
I can't think of much else to say today..
lots of love
Alice~
Monday, 28 March 2011
Who You Are
I'm sitting in a free room at school and i'm bored out of my brain, i can't be bothered to do any work so I thought i'd start a blog. I don't know if anyone will ever read it or if i'll keep it up, i'm usually bad at that... but i'll try hard if people are interested in my little life..
I'm 16 years old, people don't usually believe that when they see me or even talk to me online, apparently i sound about 18. I guess thats because i've never felt my age, i've always felt older. My mum says it's because when i was little i had a heart operation and during that time, i had to grow up to be able to deal with what was going on, helped later on in life by developing rediculously early. I don't know, my world has just always pushed me to grow, and want to grow, because the future always looks brighter than the here and now, and much better than the past, the parts i remember anyway. I'm currently doing my AS levels and al i can think about is going to university, i've got a whole year and a half yet, but it's on my mind all the time. The sense of freedom, getting away from everything here. A new chance with new people, i can get away with these that i've spent the last 6 years with, some even longer, from the beginning of school. They all have their judgements of me, have fitted me into my mould, that quiet shy one that sits at the back of the class because they've scared her too much to have a voice anymore because of how they've treated her in the past when she HAS opened her mouth. I can't wait to go to uni, whole new people who have no perceptions of me, or know anything about my past, i can be a whole new person when i get there. I can't wait.
I'm single, I hope that changes soon, I hate being single. My greatest fear is being alone, and in that aspect i am, and that scares me. Plus I need someone new to step into my life, i guess kinda to push me that last little bit off my ex boyfriend. I won't bore you about him today, maybe another day.. But i'm getting there, getting over him, but i guess i need someone to show me he's not the only man i'll ever love. I guess there are others in my life who have showed me that, I have a friend who showed interest in me a few days ago, but i'm far too young for him, and theres another guy, but he seems more interested in sex and doesn't really know who I am I guess.. He's gorgeous though.. Who knows what will happen though hey? People will appear out of nowhere and drop into life, i need to stop watching the phone i guess, or its never going to ring.. I just hope i don't have to wait until uni, but I have a feeling that may be the case.. We'll see right?
I need to be more positive about life i think, already i've moaned about school and being single, but past few months since the summer ended last year haven't given me anything to be particularly excited about, my boyfriend left (well, theres more to that story, but as i said, thats not for today), all my friends seem to have disapeared off to college and out of my life, i'm left with only three left here at school, and the the college ones contacting me once in a blue moon, not really caring. My parents are up and down every five minutes, i hate being around these people in school, my exams are only in a few weeks and theres nothing really to smile about... I guess i've always found life hard, i blame reading books when i was little and getting stuck in fairy tales, i want my life to be like that, but the knowledge that life doesn't have happily ever afters distresses me, so i spend most of my life daydreaming and emerging myself in my little world. I'm happiest when i'm asleep, or when i'm with someone.
I guess i have a loving family who i get on well with, and the friends i DO have are great. I guess it's being at school that makes me feel like this, i'm usually happy outside, in my own clothes and feeling relaxed, plugged into my computer, chatting online, facebooking, tumblring, or when i'm at conventions, all dressed up, no one judging me, or giving a damn what i'm wearing, what I look like etc. I like to go to Anime conventions such as MCM expo (which is films and comics too) and Sci-fi/comic conventions like LFCC, in my cosplay, my jedi padawan gear, or soon my batgirl outfit which i'm making, its one of my many escapes from life, along with my poems and drawings, which if you're lucky i might share with you.
I'm not always this stressy btw, i just haven't had a good morning, i was late for school because i woke up late, my bag broke on the way to school and my earphones kept coming out of my phone, i nearly broke my phone charm and i slipped over twice in my heels to the entertainment to everyone around me. Also i'm tired, i didn't get to bed until late, my own fault, i was too busy talking to a friend on msn..
Still, should be okay when my friend Paris gets her ass down here after going to the doctors, she always brightens up a day, shes such a crazy child, always smiling, always up to something, i'm lucky shes my friend, the two of us seem to be joined at the hip recently, doing everything toghether, we even signed up to be head girl. I think she's got the best chance out of both of us. I'll never get in, sometimes i wonder why i even bothered entering, i'm shy and quiet and have zero confidence, not the best features for head girl right? Once again, we'll just have to see.
Anyway, thats probably enough for today~
Anyone who actually reads my blog i will actually love forever lol
lots of love
Alice~
P.S. My titles are all going to be song titles i have decided :)
I'm 16 years old, people don't usually believe that when they see me or even talk to me online, apparently i sound about 18. I guess thats because i've never felt my age, i've always felt older. My mum says it's because when i was little i had a heart operation and during that time, i had to grow up to be able to deal with what was going on, helped later on in life by developing rediculously early. I don't know, my world has just always pushed me to grow, and want to grow, because the future always looks brighter than the here and now, and much better than the past, the parts i remember anyway. I'm currently doing my AS levels and al i can think about is going to university, i've got a whole year and a half yet, but it's on my mind all the time. The sense of freedom, getting away from everything here. A new chance with new people, i can get away with these that i've spent the last 6 years with, some even longer, from the beginning of school. They all have their judgements of me, have fitted me into my mould, that quiet shy one that sits at the back of the class because they've scared her too much to have a voice anymore because of how they've treated her in the past when she HAS opened her mouth. I can't wait to go to uni, whole new people who have no perceptions of me, or know anything about my past, i can be a whole new person when i get there. I can't wait.
I'm single, I hope that changes soon, I hate being single. My greatest fear is being alone, and in that aspect i am, and that scares me. Plus I need someone new to step into my life, i guess kinda to push me that last little bit off my ex boyfriend. I won't bore you about him today, maybe another day.. But i'm getting there, getting over him, but i guess i need someone to show me he's not the only man i'll ever love. I guess there are others in my life who have showed me that, I have a friend who showed interest in me a few days ago, but i'm far too young for him, and theres another guy, but he seems more interested in sex and doesn't really know who I am I guess.. He's gorgeous though.. Who knows what will happen though hey? People will appear out of nowhere and drop into life, i need to stop watching the phone i guess, or its never going to ring.. I just hope i don't have to wait until uni, but I have a feeling that may be the case.. We'll see right?
I need to be more positive about life i think, already i've moaned about school and being single, but past few months since the summer ended last year haven't given me anything to be particularly excited about, my boyfriend left (well, theres more to that story, but as i said, thats not for today), all my friends seem to have disapeared off to college and out of my life, i'm left with only three left here at school, and the the college ones contacting me once in a blue moon, not really caring. My parents are up and down every five minutes, i hate being around these people in school, my exams are only in a few weeks and theres nothing really to smile about... I guess i've always found life hard, i blame reading books when i was little and getting stuck in fairy tales, i want my life to be like that, but the knowledge that life doesn't have happily ever afters distresses me, so i spend most of my life daydreaming and emerging myself in my little world. I'm happiest when i'm asleep, or when i'm with someone.
I guess i have a loving family who i get on well with, and the friends i DO have are great. I guess it's being at school that makes me feel like this, i'm usually happy outside, in my own clothes and feeling relaxed, plugged into my computer, chatting online, facebooking, tumblring, or when i'm at conventions, all dressed up, no one judging me, or giving a damn what i'm wearing, what I look like etc. I like to go to Anime conventions such as MCM expo (which is films and comics too) and Sci-fi/comic conventions like LFCC, in my cosplay, my jedi padawan gear, or soon my batgirl outfit which i'm making, its one of my many escapes from life, along with my poems and drawings, which if you're lucky i might share with you.
I'm not always this stressy btw, i just haven't had a good morning, i was late for school because i woke up late, my bag broke on the way to school and my earphones kept coming out of my phone, i nearly broke my phone charm and i slipped over twice in my heels to the entertainment to everyone around me. Also i'm tired, i didn't get to bed until late, my own fault, i was too busy talking to a friend on msn..
Still, should be okay when my friend Paris gets her ass down here after going to the doctors, she always brightens up a day, shes such a crazy child, always smiling, always up to something, i'm lucky shes my friend, the two of us seem to be joined at the hip recently, doing everything toghether, we even signed up to be head girl. I think she's got the best chance out of both of us. I'll never get in, sometimes i wonder why i even bothered entering, i'm shy and quiet and have zero confidence, not the best features for head girl right? Once again, we'll just have to see.
Anyway, thats probably enough for today~
Anyone who actually reads my blog i will actually love forever lol
lots of love
Alice~
P.S. My titles are all going to be song titles i have decided :)
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