I'm sitting in a free room at school and i'm bored out of my brain, i can't be bothered to do any work so I thought i'd start a blog. I don't know if anyone will ever read it or if i'll keep it up, i'm usually bad at that... but i'll try hard if people are interested in my little life..
I'm 16 years old, people don't usually believe that when they see me or even talk to me online, apparently i sound about 18. I guess thats because i've never felt my age, i've always felt older. My mum says it's because when i was little i had a heart operation and during that time, i had to grow up to be able to deal with what was going on, helped later on in life by developing rediculously early. I don't know, my world has just always pushed me to grow, and want to grow, because the future always looks brighter than the here and now, and much better than the past, the parts i remember anyway. I'm currently doing my AS levels and al i can think about is going to university, i've got a whole year and a half yet, but it's on my mind all the time. The sense of freedom, getting away from everything here. A new chance with new people, i can get away with these that i've spent the last 6 years with, some even longer, from the beginning of school. They all have their judgements of me, have fitted me into my mould, that quiet shy one that sits at the back of the class because they've scared her too much to have a voice anymore because of how they've treated her in the past when she HAS opened her mouth. I can't wait to go to uni, whole new people who have no perceptions of me, or know anything about my past, i can be a whole new person when i get there. I can't wait.
I'm single, I hope that changes soon, I hate being single. My greatest fear is being alone, and in that aspect i am, and that scares me. Plus I need someone new to step into my life, i guess kinda to push me that last little bit off my ex boyfriend. I won't bore you about him today, maybe another day.. But i'm getting there, getting over him, but i guess i need someone to show me he's not the only man i'll ever love. I guess there are others in my life who have showed me that, I have a friend who showed interest in me a few days ago, but i'm far too young for him, and theres another guy, but he seems more interested in sex and doesn't really know who I am I guess.. He's gorgeous though.. Who knows what will happen though hey? People will appear out of nowhere and drop into life, i need to stop watching the phone i guess, or its never going to ring.. I just hope i don't have to wait until uni, but I have a feeling that may be the case.. We'll see right?
I need to be more positive about life i think, already i've moaned about school and being single, but past few months since the summer ended last year haven't given me anything to be particularly excited about, my boyfriend left (well, theres more to that story, but as i said, thats not for today), all my friends seem to have disapeared off to college and out of my life, i'm left with only three left here at school, and the the college ones contacting me once in a blue moon, not really caring. My parents are up and down every five minutes, i hate being around these people in school, my exams are only in a few weeks and theres nothing really to smile about... I guess i've always found life hard, i blame reading books when i was little and getting stuck in fairy tales, i want my life to be like that, but the knowledge that life doesn't have happily ever afters distresses me, so i spend most of my life daydreaming and emerging myself in my little world. I'm happiest when i'm asleep, or when i'm with someone.
I guess i have a loving family who i get on well with, and the friends i DO have are great. I guess it's being at school that makes me feel like this, i'm usually happy outside, in my own clothes and feeling relaxed, plugged into my computer, chatting online, facebooking, tumblring, or when i'm at conventions, all dressed up, no one judging me, or giving a damn what i'm wearing, what I look like etc. I like to go to Anime conventions such as MCM expo (which is films and comics too) and Sci-fi/comic conventions like LFCC, in my cosplay, my jedi padawan gear, or soon my batgirl outfit which i'm making, its one of my many escapes from life, along with my poems and drawings, which if you're lucky i might share with you.
I'm not always this stressy btw, i just haven't had a good morning, i was late for school because i woke up late, my bag broke on the way to school and my earphones kept coming out of my phone, i nearly broke my phone charm and i slipped over twice in my heels to the entertainment to everyone around me. Also i'm tired, i didn't get to bed until late, my own fault, i was too busy talking to a friend on msn..
Still, should be okay when my friend Paris gets her ass down here after going to the doctors, she always brightens up a day, shes such a crazy child, always smiling, always up to something, i'm lucky shes my friend, the two of us seem to be joined at the hip recently, doing everything toghether, we even signed up to be head girl. I think she's got the best chance out of both of us. I'll never get in, sometimes i wonder why i even bothered entering, i'm shy and quiet and have zero confidence, not the best features for head girl right? Once again, we'll just have to see.
Anyway, thats probably enough for today~
Anyone who actually reads my blog i will actually love forever lol
lots of love
Alice~
P.S. My titles are all going to be song titles i have decided :)
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