What can i say about today? I guess today was rather average, but i guess as no one reads this i'll just put whatever i want. My morning was fairly normal, got up on time, gote ready, forgot breakfast, blah blah blah, noticed my roots were showing in the mirror this morning.. Will have to get my mother to re-dye my hair, i much prefer being a red-head to a brunette. Yes i dye my hair ginger is practically what i've just said. I think it's hilarious when people try to take the piss out of me for my hair colour, just looking at them and going "I dye my hair this colour" and just watch their little minds blow. Fecking hilarious. I feel i'm the anti-gingers worst nightmare, someone who actually CHOSE to be like that. My brother finds this very distressing, trying to take the piss and me just not caring, tis all good. Hair dye annoys me now though, I wish my hair would just STAY that colour and not grow out every few weeks, it's annoying having to re- dye it every five minutes..
I've just talked about hair dye for a whole paragraph.. and wonder why no one reads this.
School was pretty average and boring, except maybe working out what my group is doing for our assembly, we're all going for head girl/boy and our task is to make an assembly on inspiration, because our head of year seems to have turned it into the apprentice. It's going well, i'm actually pretty psyched about it. when i wrote my piece everyone seeemed really impressed with it, which made me happy because sometimes i don't get on with some of the people in my group and so it was nice to have some nice feedback from them for a change, i guess that's kindas sad isn't it? Needing other people's compliments to feel wanted, bu there you go.
Watching Scott Pilgrim vs the worls, probably the coolest film i'v ever seen, i actually love it so much, the way it's all filmed and set out like a video game? Freaking amazing. i'm actually like, mesmerised. I can't even like concentrate on this properly. I feel like i'm on drugs or something. Fuck. It's so good. I love it i love it i love it.
That's the thing about me, when i watch, read or listen to stuff, it's like it changes me inside, like it's playing with my brain and my heart, all my emotions mixed up inside me like i'm losing myself inside it, it changes how i'm feeling, how act, for example right now watching this i feel angsty, yet everything is so fast paced i'm styping like a loon. But i love this about myself, I love being in a mood like this though it's awesome, being inside my own little world. I guess it's why i day dream so much, all these magical things going on in my head. Everything i see or listen to seems to change something inside me, add something to that mystical world in my mind. Oops I let the crazy girl out. Ah well, more interesting than hair dye right? Movies are the best, they make you feel so much all at once, make you feel every emotion in the whole world, make you laugh, cry, scream. They can take you into the depth of your psyche and let you get lost in there, show you what you're really feeling on the inside, especially when the tears come out and you realise you're still crying, but it's not the film anymore, you realise why you're really upset, because you're body tells you what's really going on in there. This isn't that kind of film there, this makes me feel angsty and aggressive, kind of like the way playing Dead or Alive 4 does especially when i can't get passed the level and complete the story with the asian guy who to me looks like an old action man figure my brother used to have, you could wind up his arms and then he'd swing them round. I thought it was pretty cool. But thats straying from the point. What was my point? Being angsty and aggresive, right. They have such amazing outfits in this film, i want to dress up really wacky right now.. and maybe dye my hair blue (oops, hair dye reference) I want to get in a bad and scream down the microphone. Also I want to cry. I have no idea why, probably just tired. I love when I'm in a mood like this, i feel like i'm playing my keyboard like - well a keyboard i guess. I guess to anyone who ever reads this it'll all just not make any sense, i just re-read that sentance and even that didn't make any sense to me. Hell I don't care anymore. I'm feeling ANGSTY. FUCK IT. No one gives a shit about this blog, no one gives a crap about my life, it's useless, hopeless shite. But i'm going to write it everyday anyway. Yay.
Suddenly I'm depressed. You know what? My life sucks. It's pretty awful to read in a blog, in Facebook posts or even to listen to me tell it. I feel i have less and less and less. My friends.. I'm losing my friends, i pretty much only have one left, i find it harder and harder to socialise, i find it harder and harder to smile. and it stresses me out that all i need to make it all better, is someone to love.
I'm going to go to bed and cry now.
Alice~
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